Did you ever believe a monster lived under your bed?

That voice in your head might still be hanging around, causing havoc if it isn't checked. Most adults are unaware that they need to take inventory of their phobias and knee-jerk reactions. 

For most of my adult life, I was one of these people. I did not realize that the body reacts before the brain when triggered, and when that happens, the five-year-old version of self drives the show. This is also called the unconscious mind or shadow self.

It was upon reading Existential Kink by Dr. Carolyn Elliott that I learned the simple and profound beginning steps to understanding my own "triggers."

This is not a book for everyone, but it is a book for anyone. Calibrate towards curiosity if you endeavor to understand your own mind and do so without judgment at all times. I assure you, the fruit of self-knowledge is well worth the labor.

Triggers are not always the result of a significant traumatic event; cumulative, minor events that deplete one's sense of self-worth and identity can also be to blame (think death by a thousand cuts).

If you find yourself reacting in a way that doesn't align with your values and want to understand why, the connection to your body is worth assessing. 

You can practice assessing your reactions easily. When you feel your reaction is more knee-jerk than conscious, take a moment to observe your body and how you feel in that moment of reaction. Did your stomach tighten? Perhaps your face flushed? A triggering event is likely replaying in your mind when a bodily sensation accompanies your outward response.

The first step towards freeing yourself from an identity that is directed by prior events is awareness. Train yourself to listen to where your energy is directed in your body when you react without conscious control.

Becoming aware of your unconscious reactions is the first step towards integrating your unconscious and conscious mind, also known as integrating the shadow self. Once you understand that you are not fully in charge from a conscious perspective, then you can begin to introspect on why that is.

As Jung said, "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life, and you will call it Fate."

The bodily awareness cultivated through this practice will aid you in slowing down your reaction times. Eventually, a version of self that has been hidden from you since childhood will become known to you.

Reassure your child self from the capable perspective of the adult you have become. I have heard this concept referred to as reparenting. Whatever feels right to you, do it. Personally, my eleven-year-old self has now become my hero and I, the woman, am her champion.

This journey of integration has been hugely helpful in creating more compassion and understanding with my own children. The benefits are unique to the individual, and the fears carried forward from childhood.

Fear will get in your way and seem inescapable (like fate) until you find a way into your unconscious motivations. Luckily, our body always lets us know when we are not aligned; it is for our adult self to listen and if we are wise, learn to understand the message we are given.

If you liked this article, drop me a note.

I will continue this series on the exploration of mind and body until I have exhausted the corpus of my knowledge. Be curious and question your self-doubt above all else.

Be kind to yourself; you are worthy, my friend.

—Sonia

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